Slogan 47 "keep the three inseparable"
Today was my birthday . . . read: happiness beaming constantly a week before the actual date commences.
I think birthdays are very important. To me they represent a chance for those around you to celebrate your genuine awesome and show how much they care. It is after all the day the world changed and first meet you. I was sad because none of my 4 close friends from school would be here and my partner had a commitment that he wasn't sure if he could get out of. Also, to complicate things I had registered for a 2 day course on running a successful business and day 2 was mostly accounting and was on my birthday (double yuck). As I got closer to today the happiness and excitement I usually feel was washing away and in it's place a mild depression was setting in. My mind kept spinning around the thoughts of there being no one to make me a birthday cake, no one to plan a crazy exciting day of surprises, no one to wake me up with waffles or something dessert-y with a candle in it, no one to care and recognize me. *Le sigh* It was just gonna be another drab day. Friends not being there for my birthday + depression over that = bad birthday and lingering depression
I was totally in victim mode. On the night of my birthday, I thought about what one of the speakers had said earlier that day about how blaming, denial, and excuses are just what adults use to rationalize their actions and allow themselves to not change things. He said we conveniently call these 3 words "reasons." I was completely letting a depression sink in. I couldn't change the events of my friends traveling away and "abandoning" me, but I could change my response and therefore the outcome. So I thought about what a birthday means to me and turned it over and over in my head until my view was tweaked slightly. Birthdays still meant recognizing the genuine awesomeness of the birthday girl, celebrating being alive, and changing the world by that very act. The only way I changed it was that I was now the one doing those actions for myself. By removing the emphasis on the external, I wasn't blaming my friends for not being there and making me depressed. I was thinking about how awesome it was to focus on me and have alone time with me and to love me. Also, I love to contemplate rebirth and setting intentions for the next year on one's birthday. After this lovely realization about the beauty of me celebrating myself, I thought about what my intentions were for 2010 and I decided they should be: self-care, mindfulness, growth in business, calm. And that's exactly what I did . . . I lived those things today. I had breakfast with my roomie and partner, spent half the day training in business, worked out, did a good deed, got a free soy chai latte, spent time with my partner (because he found a way to be free for a few hours), and meditating at the Toronto Shambhala.center.
The act of harmonizing my body, mind, and speech in self love by working out, meditating, and being friendly to all those strangers and not-so-strangers I met today was exactly what slogan 47 is talking about. By keeping the 3 inseparable we tame the mind. The Ego's views can be seen, heard, and felt constantly, but by having compassion for our selves and those around us we can dissolve it's hold. Through responding to the event I created an outcome I wanted. I loved and felt very in touch with myself all day and that gave me a brighter glow than I had had in so long. What a lovely day it was :)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
slogan 3
slogan 3: "examine the nature of unborn awareness"
On the card it says, "examine doesn't mean analyze." That is such a profound concept to me. As far as my life as taught me, we only examine in order to analyze and essentially judge. No one goes to the jungle to watch gorillas, but never write it down or tries to understand them (also understanding requires analyzing in my book). I know it's all semantics, but I think Pema understood how important words are to Westerns when she wrote that phrase. She stopped our Ego from making meditative practice about it. I can't think of a time when I looked at something just to look at it. Maybe when I was a wee babe, I did, but not anytime recently.
I grasp the other concepts within this slogan such as the mind being forever changing so it is therefor not a solid thing. Which translates into us being able to find the wholes in our minds and thoughts and get out of their stuffy trains and back to the moment. Yet that doesn't help me understand how to examine without analyzing. Crap, I'm doing it right now!!! I give up. Maybe some meditation is in order.
On the card it says, "examine doesn't mean analyze." That is such a profound concept to me. As far as my life as taught me, we only examine in order to analyze and essentially judge. No one goes to the jungle to watch gorillas, but never write it down or tries to understand them (also understanding requires analyzing in my book). I know it's all semantics, but I think Pema understood how important words are to Westerns when she wrote that phrase. She stopped our Ego from making meditative practice about it. I can't think of a time when I looked at something just to look at it. Maybe when I was a wee babe, I did, but not anytime recently.
I grasp the other concepts within this slogan such as the mind being forever changing so it is therefor not a solid thing. Which translates into us being able to find the wholes in our minds and thoughts and get out of their stuffy trains and back to the moment. Yet that doesn't help me understand how to examine without analyzing. Crap, I'm doing it right now!!! I give up. Maybe some meditation is in order.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
slogan 33
slogan 33: "Don't bring things to a painful point."
My favorite part about this card is that the explanation on the back is one line and it says, "Don't humiliate people." I feel like they could have just left it at don't, and that would have been enough. Or maybe they could have said, "Golden rule, y'all, golden rule."
In homeopathy they would probably qualify me as an animal, because in a disagreement I just want to attack my opponent and lay them on the floor. Sometimes I just wish someone would provoke me, so I could take all my stored up anger and rip them to shreds verbally. Its like having a caged, ravenous, abused animal inside me. Being faced with a situation where I can put someone in their place sounds sooooo good, but knowing that that action will ruin my karma like red wine on a white dress, makes humiliating someone so much less enjoyable. I hate when my simple pleasure are taken away!
Relationships in particular are a good place to respect slogan 33. Guh, how many nights would have ended better if I hadn't harped on Ram about the way he cooks. In my defense the man's idea of cooking is torching all food till it is one uniform brown color, adding copious amounts of oil, then finishing it off with heaps of spicy red chili pepper flakes and black pepper! Now, I'm a picky eater, so even though it is lovely to have someone else cook for me . . . it usually ends badly. Any fights about cooking always blow up into some bigger mess(maybe because we are both starving when we have them). ts not like the harping helps or the snide verbal jabs I make help. They are merely ways to get him to fight with me, so I can force my suffering onto someone else. The Ego loves company and drama. It's all about the painful point in those moments. I think next time we start to cook, I'll sit down with him and agree on some ground rules for cooking. Maybe that will decrease the kitchen wars. Lesson noted . . . class dismissed
My favorite part about this card is that the explanation on the back is one line and it says, "Don't humiliate people." I feel like they could have just left it at don't, and that would have been enough. Or maybe they could have said, "Golden rule, y'all, golden rule."
In homeopathy they would probably qualify me as an animal, because in a disagreement I just want to attack my opponent and lay them on the floor. Sometimes I just wish someone would provoke me, so I could take all my stored up anger and rip them to shreds verbally. Its like having a caged, ravenous, abused animal inside me. Being faced with a situation where I can put someone in their place sounds sooooo good, but knowing that that action will ruin my karma like red wine on a white dress, makes humiliating someone so much less enjoyable. I hate when my simple pleasure are taken away!
Relationships in particular are a good place to respect slogan 33. Guh, how many nights would have ended better if I hadn't harped on Ram about the way he cooks. In my defense the man's idea of cooking is torching all food till it is one uniform brown color, adding copious amounts of oil, then finishing it off with heaps of spicy red chili pepper flakes and black pepper! Now, I'm a picky eater, so even though it is lovely to have someone else cook for me . . . it usually ends badly. Any fights about cooking always blow up into some bigger mess(maybe because we are both starving when we have them). ts not like the harping helps or the snide verbal jabs I make help. They are merely ways to get him to fight with me, so I can force my suffering onto someone else. The Ego loves company and drama. It's all about the painful point in those moments. I think next time we start to cook, I'll sit down with him and agree on some ground rules for cooking. Maybe that will decrease the kitchen wars. Lesson noted . . . class dismissed
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
slogan 44
slogan 44: "Train in the three difficulties."
The three difficulties are: 1. recognize that your neurosis are just that, 2. knowing that's the root of things, then don't act on them, and 3. let the new pattern be a way of life and strive to release all neurotic behaviors. I've definitely down with knowing my neurosis. Being a child of self-growth, I probably know 95% of my neurosis and their triggers but have maybe mastered 20% of those habitual patterns related to them. Number 2 is the rate limiting factor! I can do number 1 and 3, cause all I have to do is see them and then try to change the patterns. I especially like number 1, because it gives me a good reason to dislike myself. But it's the changed part that I get held up on. I bet we all get held up on that.
I once remember by psych teacher in Naturopathic school talking about the difference between reacting and responding. Most of our actions are a quick and not-thought-out reaction to whatever is in front of us versus a response, which is more calculated and pondered upon. Training in the three difficulties is the same idea: respond, don't react. Essentially all we are ever reacting to is ourselves, so every reaction is just a way to diffuse our neurosis inside us.
I've always considered myself a slow thinker. In a moment of emotion, I can never throw out witty retorts. Its not till days later that I think of what I should have said or how I should have stood up for myself. Inevitable, when I realize what amazing comeback I should have lobbed at this person, I beat myself up for having missed the chance. Maybe another way to approach that slow thinking is to see it as a gift. Since I don't think fast on my feet in a heated moment, then I'm less likely to make a reaction. I'm more likely to respond. If you can't change a situation, then change the vantage point
The three difficulties are: 1. recognize that your neurosis are just that, 2. knowing that's the root of things, then don't act on them, and 3. let the new pattern be a way of life and strive to release all neurotic behaviors. I've definitely down with knowing my neurosis. Being a child of self-growth, I probably know 95% of my neurosis and their triggers but have maybe mastered 20% of those habitual patterns related to them. Number 2 is the rate limiting factor! I can do number 1 and 3, cause all I have to do is see them and then try to change the patterns. I especially like number 1, because it gives me a good reason to dislike myself. But it's the changed part that I get held up on. I bet we all get held up on that.
I once remember by psych teacher in Naturopathic school talking about the difference between reacting and responding. Most of our actions are a quick and not-thought-out reaction to whatever is in front of us versus a response, which is more calculated and pondered upon. Training in the three difficulties is the same idea: respond, don't react. Essentially all we are ever reacting to is ourselves, so every reaction is just a way to diffuse our neurosis inside us.
I've always considered myself a slow thinker. In a moment of emotion, I can never throw out witty retorts. Its not till days later that I think of what I should have said or how I should have stood up for myself. Inevitable, when I realize what amazing comeback I should have lobbed at this person, I beat myself up for having missed the chance. Maybe another way to approach that slow thinking is to see it as a gift. Since I don't think fast on my feet in a heated moment, then I'm less likely to make a reaction. I'm more likely to respond. If you can't change a situation, then change the vantage point
Monday, February 15, 2010
slogan 11
Slogan 11: "When the world is filled with evil, transform all mishaps into the path of the bodhi"
Awww, sweet Family day! Not really a holiday, and yet the school and clinic are closed. Its pretty awesome to wake up whenever and be lazy about the whole day. In my lazy bliss, I decided to get back onto the cushion and meditate. It's been weeks since the last time I "officially" meditated. I try to meditate while I ride the subway everyday and practice my Tonglen. I imagine the ennui on my fellow passengers faces melting off, like ice cream dripping down a cone on a hot summer day, as I breath out delightful openness and breath in their/my suffering. Tonglen meditative practice is unique in that: its harder to do it for yourself than it is to do for others. How screwed up is it!? I can sit there and picture breathing in a complete stranger's suffering and breathing out unconditional love for them, but I cannot seem to do that for myself. Giving myself unconditional love is a epic obstacle. One I have yet to wrap my heart and mind around. I suppose the more you know something, the harder it can be to have compassion for it. Or, I'm just one odd-kitten.
This card means that everything that happens is merely an opportunity to awaken and move out of our habitual practices. Every interaction, every exchange, every minute is a chance for us to breath and open just a little more. Even hard or uncomfortable scenarios can be breathed into with the wish that all those who are in the situation are no longer suffering. Just like all those people on the 6:52am subway heading south on the Yonge line are not suffering and are happily where they want to be . . . which for me would be back in bed. But that's tomorrows reality, not today's! Today it's family day and thank my lucky stars there was only ZZZ out of my mouth at 6:52am. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a Scrabble game to win!
Awww, sweet Family day! Not really a holiday, and yet the school and clinic are closed. Its pretty awesome to wake up whenever and be lazy about the whole day. In my lazy bliss, I decided to get back onto the cushion and meditate. It's been weeks since the last time I "officially" meditated. I try to meditate while I ride the subway everyday and practice my Tonglen. I imagine the ennui on my fellow passengers faces melting off, like ice cream dripping down a cone on a hot summer day, as I breath out delightful openness and breath in their/my suffering. Tonglen meditative practice is unique in that: its harder to do it for yourself than it is to do for others. How screwed up is it!? I can sit there and picture breathing in a complete stranger's suffering and breathing out unconditional love for them, but I cannot seem to do that for myself. Giving myself unconditional love is a epic obstacle. One I have yet to wrap my heart and mind around. I suppose the more you know something, the harder it can be to have compassion for it. Or, I'm just one odd-kitten.
This card means that everything that happens is merely an opportunity to awaken and move out of our habitual practices. Every interaction, every exchange, every minute is a chance for us to breath and open just a little more. Even hard or uncomfortable scenarios can be breathed into with the wish that all those who are in the situation are no longer suffering. Just like all those people on the 6:52am subway heading south on the Yonge line are not suffering and are happily where they want to be . . . which for me would be back in bed. But that's tomorrows reality, not today's! Today it's family day and thank my lucky stars there was only ZZZ out of my mouth at 6:52am. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a Scrabble game to win!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
uno
My Compassion Box . .
This is one woman’s attempt to reach nirvana and bring everybody with me!
In my undergrad at Naropa University, along with meditating and drinking too much, I studied what are called the Lojong slogans. These are 57ish Buddhist sayings that are suppose to awake Bodhichitta, the heart or energy of compassion. This is something that I was I feeling estranged from lately. It is probable due to my lack of meditating and not being around practitioners of Buddhist day in and day out, like at Naropa University. Or it could be due to the stress of finishing up a medical degree, immigrating to a new country, trying to find a job after graduation, and planning a Wedding in under 6 months. Yada yada yada, I was stressed and needed more compassion for me and the lovely people in my life.
For the 2009 Christmas, I received a present called The Compassion Box by Pema Chodron. This box contains Pema’s book Start Where You Are, 57 cards each with a lojong saying on them, and a CD detailing meditation practices. I had asked for this for years, because I wanted to reconnect with my innate compassionate heart. Now, whether my family noticed a difference between the previously zened-out Katie and the now up-tight-anal-planner Katie or they for once read my Christmas list, I’ll never know. Regardless I’m grateful, because receiving this gift inspired a New Years Resolution. That resolution being to choose a card everyday and attempt to have more compassion everyday, which is good for me, good for the patients in my Naturopathic practice, and good for the world.
This chronicles my adventures about a month and a 1/2 into that New Years resolution. I hope that by the end both you and I will be a whole lot more compassionate. I god damn hope so, or else I’m gonna punch someone!
This is one woman’s attempt to reach nirvana and bring everybody with me!
In my undergrad at Naropa University, along with meditating and drinking too much, I studied what are called the Lojong slogans. These are 57ish Buddhist sayings that are suppose to awake Bodhichitta, the heart or energy of compassion. This is something that I was I feeling estranged from lately. It is probable due to my lack of meditating and not being around practitioners of Buddhist day in and day out, like at Naropa University. Or it could be due to the stress of finishing up a medical degree, immigrating to a new country, trying to find a job after graduation, and planning a Wedding in under 6 months. Yada yada yada, I was stressed and needed more compassion for me and the lovely people in my life.
For the 2009 Christmas, I received a present called The Compassion Box by Pema Chodron. This box contains Pema’s book Start Where You Are, 57 cards each with a lojong saying on them, and a CD detailing meditation practices. I had asked for this for years, because I wanted to reconnect with my innate compassionate heart. Now, whether my family noticed a difference between the previously zened-out Katie and the now up-tight-anal-planner Katie or they for once read my Christmas list, I’ll never know. Regardless I’m grateful, because receiving this gift inspired a New Years Resolution. That resolution being to choose a card everyday and attempt to have more compassion everyday, which is good for me, good for the patients in my Naturopathic practice, and good for the world.
This chronicles my adventures about a month and a 1/2 into that New Years resolution. I hope that by the end both you and I will be a whole lot more compassionate. I god damn hope so, or else I’m gonna punch someone!
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